Archive for the ‘Life Experiences’ Category

Post Traumatic Growth

Friday, March 4th, 2022

Taleb talked last night to a few of us about “post traumatic growth”, at the invitation of some resourceful Kyiv economics students, sheltering in their shelters and showers.

He pointed out how small stressors upto a point from his own experience growing up with civil war in Lebanon, are helpful in later life.

Plus how rarely “growth” is discussed by psychologists relative to the effects of post traumatic stress disorder because they cannot profit from it.

When life has given you a lemon, where can you make lemonade?

Picking Up The Pieces

Tuesday, August 10th, 2021

After a two week period where responding to a family bereavement has been top of my mind and reducing their vulnerabilities in a period of transition, here is some points many families overlook:

  1. Immediate family members are rarely armed with the right skills, behaviours and expertise for a successful transition. Accept that and figure out the best response.
  2. Asking the right questions involves finding out “what” the desired lifestyle changes are, and “how” you best acquire the right resources, outsource unpalatable activities, pursue exciting interests, maximise income and freedom, and minimise the requisite time, money and energy.
  3. Never underestimate the emotional toll a death takes on the critical thinking, speed and quality of decision-making “in the moment” and in the weeks and months thereafter.
  4. Stay in the moment. Today is about doing what you must do today, do that well and make an appropriate plan for tomorrow. Focus on getting three highly important transition tasks done early in your morning, thereafter, the day will take care of itself.
  5. Finding the right help (a family member, adviser or expert) takes time and energy, you remove stress by building your lists over time i.e. when you don’t imagine you need them
  6. Funeral concierge and beneficiary assistance services: should be a “must” in your Corporate or Individual life insurance and protection coverage. They are invaluable. Check with your broker/consultant.
  7. Personal health, fitness and nutrition: routine is critical, help them sustain or return to a routine that works for them. A daily walk, a social gathering, eating at preferred times etc. In addition, encourage them to book a physical and mental assessment. No one knows precisely the toll a bereavement has taken on those most affected, take preventative action.
  8. Computer literacy: for a generation in their 70s, 80s and 90s is often a major obstacle where service providers insist on digital communication. How would you know where to find, organise, download, securely file, and manage key documents (change of bank accounts, bill paying, death certificates and so on)? The volume of sensitive files sitting on a hard drive is often eye-watering.
  9. Financial literacy: how do you best support a spouse, who has never had to think about three pools of available and replenishing capital: cash, credit and investments? Who can you trust to do the right thing?
  10. Social needs: how do you best encourage new social interaction, pursuit of existing and new interests and a gratifying life? That is difficult to do without any prior thought or encouragement.
  11. Motivation is intrinsic. You can create the conditions as a family member or friend to encourage the bereaved to adapt to their new life but you cannot force them. You have to accept life is what it is, which is very hard for many siblings.
  12. You think you know what is going through the bereaved’s mind given your close proximity but rarely do know or how information is being processed. Be patient and supportive with menial tasks.

Sanlúcar de Barrameda

Tuesday, August 13th, 2019

In the heat of an Andalusian August is two weekends not to be missed. The Carreras de Caballos (beach horse races) return annually to the Northern Andalusian town on the second and fourth weekends, where Christopher Columbus and Magellan took to the seas to explore the world. Combined with tasting fine local sherry wine in one of the local bodegas (Barbadillo), here is an experience, which largely remains ignored by tourists from outside the region.

Norfolk

Wednesday, July 24th, 2019

At this time of the year, the family like to return to the North Norfolk coast for a few simple days of family relaxation. Crabbing, beach, picnics, cycling, barbecues, and catching up with friends. It is a simple life, where iPads and other electronics are largely limited to early mornings or pre-dinner.

The local seaside towns, and villages, change modestly each year. The odd new shop appears on a street corner replacing a fading business unable to weather the quiet “off season” or a tired owner. The flow of visitors waiting outside the family butchers and bakers stopping to converse briefly, is as predictable as the high tide and invasion of 4x4s.

The traditional flint-stone homes aligning the coastal road and the inns get smarter every year but the character largely remains the same. The stately homes, inland, are as likely to be exhibiting cutting edge contemporary art, as they are hosting the de rigeur electronic music festivals for the cool kids.

It is comforting, in a world where disruption and public discourse has ever sharper claws. It is England’s answer to Cape Cod, the area south of Charleston in South Carolina or Falsterbo in SW Sweden.

Understated wealth, where a proliferation of agriculture, tourism and light manufacturing pierce the landscape.

The 3.5 hour drive from London and England’s other major cities, and the absence of mass tourism, enables it to retains its’ charm and unfettered royal association. To those who have resisted its’ attraction or are largely unaware, the months of June through early September make for a fun visit. although a bracing February weekend is equally great for the soul.

Run For The Roses

Friday, May 3rd, 2019


“The sun shines bright in the old Kentucky home,
Tis summer, the people are gay;”

There are many problems in US thoroughbred racing but starting with the fabled walk from the barn to the gates flicking open, the most engaging theatre in global sports, the Kentucky Derby, has its’ next mint julep-filled edition on Saturday night. A pick? Baffert, Baffert, Baffert.

The “John” Story

Friday, March 29th, 2019

What hope is there for artificial intelligence, when the real human mind plays tricks with our processing of images?

I am walking down a quiet London street this week, I spot on the opposing sidewalk a familiar tall, greying, slightly overweight face with ruddy cheeks. The sort of individual regularly to be found lunching in or around London’s Leadenhall Market in the nineties. We make eye contact, he smiles, and I turn and crossover the street saying, “Hello John, how are you?” He warmly greets me in a jovial British manner, mutters about it has been a while since we last saw each other, then apologises, “sorry, I cannot place where it was”. He pulls out a business card, exchanges pleasantries and asks the same. I glance at the name on the card, the brains goes into a deep search and I suddenly realise that the “John” in front of me is not, who I thought it was! It is stranger “John”, someone in residential property. I chicken out with, “I am sorry I don’t have a card with me, let me drop you an email with my details.” We bid farewell, me chuckling to myself about my cluelessness, and reminding myself that relying on instinct alone is not an exact science!

A Champion’s Mindset

Tuesday, June 12th, 2018

There are moments in sport, add an “s” for my American friends, where supreme champions earn legendary status. Watching Rafael Nadal close out an 11th French Open at Roland Garros and Bob Baffert mastermind a second Triple Crown at Belmont, N.Y. this past weekend, we were witness to two rare examples. In Nadal’s case, the “King of the Clay”, we expect him to win but it really isn’t that easy.

Consider his Quarter Final opponent, Diego Schwatrzman, whose stratospheric rise has taken the diminutive Argentinian from No. 41 to No.11 in the ATP rankings over the past 12 months. He talked last Summer about the importance of his own “mindset” over a relaxed post-victory dinner at Pepes Bodega in the scenic resort stop in Bastad, Sweden.

Here in the Bois de Boulogne, Schwartman, a 5’7″ ball of energy, took the first set off Nadal, and appeared on an unstoppable roll until rain intervened. Returning the next day, Nadal had the strength of character to wipe the next three sets and to savour Schwartzman’s passing comment at the press conference, “He (Nadal) has the best mindset of history.”

3,000 miles west, just east of the New York City limits, at a little before 6pm EST on Saturday, Justify, did just that for legendary West Coast trainer, Bob Baffert’s high opinion of his horse. The 12 furlongs of the “Big Sandy” has scuttled many of Baffert’s and his rivals’ previous contenders for immortality with one rare exception, American Pharoah in 2015.

Coming off two wet-track and gruelling victories in the Kentucky Derby and Preakness, Baffert talked about the importance of the horse’s mindset when the gates opened, and the need to be on the lead at the first turn, to not surrender control of the race. True to form, urged on by his pilot Mike “Big Money” Smith, Justify’s exuberance and determination ensured he grabbed hold of the race early on and ground his rivals into the dirt. What sets Baffert apart is his ability to sustain a champion’s mindset in his best horses when others cannot. Some say, his training approach honed in the unforgiving Quarter Horse world of Arizona is too tough but the results belie that easy line.

Perhaps there is a simple explanation with Nadal and Baffert, we are bystanders watching supreme artists at work. Seeing is truly believing.

© James Berkeley 2018. All Rights Reserved.

Lessons Our Kids Can Teach Us

Thursday, May 24th, 2018

 

If my 8yo daughter can quickly learn from defeat in the 200m final at her school sports day, why cannot adults do the same in a competitive business situation (a bid process, an investor pitch, a career opportunity)? We read too much into single events or circumstances (poor feedback). We allow them to unduly affect our mindset (bruised ego). We set unrealistic expectations in a highly ambiguous or complex environment (a professional gambler rarely generates more than 8-10% annual return in a great year). We refuse to take accountability (seek blame not cause). We surrender the power and control we possess to positively impact future events (we give up). If you recognise any of these today in your own behaviour, if you are a Parent, look at your child’s reaction and ask “what’s the lesson for me?”.

 

© James Berkeley 2018. All Rights Reserved.

 

 

Nicky Haslam

Friday, June 30th, 2017

A detour last night to The Pheasantry in London’s Kings Road. Once a somewhat decadent bar in the 80s, now part Pizza Express restaurant and home to an intimate basement jazz club. The reason a charming evening with Nicky Haslam, supernova interior designer, to hear his take on classic Cole Porter and the 30s and 40s chanteuse, Lee Wiley. Accompanied by the renowned pianist, Tom Wakeley, Nicky exudes wit, charm and wonderful renditions of songs a great many people under 50 have rarely heard. He possesses that rare skill of drawing you into his stories without looking like his trying. Highly recommended.

© James Berkeley 2017.