“Can you do me a favour? (“CYDMAF”) I want to……”

• Do you dismiss it outright if this is not from a trusted source? (spam) Do you give the source the benefit of the doubt, by reading on? (establish credibility)

• Do you listen to the request with an open mind? (genuine interest) Do you immediately look for the visible or hidden “catch”? (scam artist)

• Behind every favour is both a logical and emotional self-interest. How often do you ask questions with the intent to reveal both types of reasoning or do you simply default to the “logic”? (I am curious what prompted you to ask? Why now? What is in it for me?) How successful are you at uncovering the real motives? (financial, intellectual, social etc.)

• Behind every favour solicited lies two reciprocal self-interests, the source’s and your own (“Do what I am asking, and here is it why it make sense for you and me”). Is that opaque, translucent or transparent? Translucent is fine so long as further investigation is permissible, and a productive use of your time. Opaque rarely moves to acceptance (“time waster”). Transparent is no guarantee of acceptance (“bad deal”).

My point is that asking for, listening to and responding to a request for a favour is a process, not an event (“the ask”). It shouldn’t be about “taking” something, it must be about “giving” something of value to the other party. Yet the hundreds of people, who ask me every month for a favour, perhaps 1% think and act like that.

Wouldn’t we be better focusing on the positive experience that might arise for the person that we are soliciting and work backwards from there than as so often happens, start with our self-interest and begging for their time, money or knowledge? Now that is innovative thinking that places you in the top 1% in my book.