Over a family dinner this weekend, we gently laughed about the personal household foibles and imperfections that characterise us. Whether it is unfolded laundry, lazy bed-making or errant half-drunk tea cups left on a table, we learn to live with minor irritants and deal with them in a manner that we see fit. Passing comment in jest or ignoring the issue.

We are imperfect human beings.

The same applies living in a city of 8 million people in London where 80% of cyclists jump a red light daily without regard to the pedestrians crossing the road or leave “Lime” bikes blocking pavements, bus drivers pull out of bus stops rarely checking the passing traffic in their rear view mirrors. We listen to others venting their frustration with mild amusement and disinterest.

The same applies to comments seemingly successful people make about their own priorities. “I prefer travel and entertainment these days to spending time with my twentysomething kids”. For some mothers that is an egregious admission. However if you don’t fully understand their context, in most cases you won’t, beyond a close friend, store it in the “throwaway comments” folder, don’t judge the individual on that singular comment at that singular time and singular occasion. We all do, say or hear things that merely reaffirm that we are imperfect. Give them the benefit of doubt!

We often think of rejection: losing a job, an important client or key investor as our “worst day”, when the reality is your worst day is a shadow of many others “worst days”. There is a range of failure. Your worst might be others mildest defeat. I was reminded of this over the weekend meeting and hearing 99 year old D-day veteran, Roy Hayward’s story. It is 80 years ago this June since Roy received life changing injuries, my very worst day will not even skim the surface of his worst day. Read on

Taleb talked last night to a few of us about “post traumatic growth”, at the invitation of some resourceful Kyiv economics students, sheltering in their shelters and showers.

He pointed out how small stressors upto a point from his own experience growing up with civil war in Lebanon, are helpful in later life.

Plus how rarely “growth” is discussed by psychologists relative to the effects of post traumatic stress disorder because they cannot profit from it.

When life has given you a lemon, where can you make lemonade?

After a two week period where responding to a family bereavement has been top of my mind and reducing their vulnerabilities in a period of transition, here is some points many families overlook:

1. Immediate family members are rarely armed with the right skills, behaviours and expertise for a successful transition. Accept that and figure out the best response.
2. Asking the right questions involves finding out “what” the desired lifestyle changes are, and “how” you best acquire the right resources, outsource unpalatable activities, pursue exciting interests, maximise income and freedom, and minimise the requisite time, money and energy.
3. Never underestimate the emotional toll a death takes on the critical thinking, speed and quality of decision-making “in the moment” and in the weeks and months thereafter.
4. Stay in the moment. Today is about doing what you must do today, do that well and make an appropriate plan for tomorrow. Focus on getting three highly important transition tasks done early in your morning, thereafter, the day will take care of itself.
5. Finding the right help (a family member, adviser or expert) takes time and energy, you remove stress by building your lists over time i.e. when you don’t imagine you need them
6. Funeral concierge and beneficiary assistance services: should be a “must” in your Corporate or Individual life insurance and protection coverage. They are invaluable. Check with your broker/consultant.
7. Personal health, fitness and nutrition: routine is critical, help them sustain or return to a routine that works for them. A daily walk, a social gathering, eating at preferred times etc. In addition, encourage them to book a physical and mental assessment. No one knows precisely the toll a bereavement has taken on those most affected, take preventative action.
8. Computer literacy: for a generation in their 70s, 80s and 90s is often a major obstacle where service providers insist on digital communication. How would you know where to find, organise, download, securely file, and manage key documents (change of bank accounts, bill paying, death certificates and so on)? The volume of sensitive files sitting on a hard drive is often eye-watering.
9. Financial literacy: how do you best support a spouse, who has never had to think about three pools of available and replenishing capital: cash, credit and investments? Who can you trust to do the right thing?
10. Social needs: how do you best encourage new social interaction, pursuit of existing and new interests and a gratifying life? That is difficult to do without any prior thought or encouragement.
11. Motivation is intrinsic. You can create the conditions as a family member or friend to encourage the bereaved to adapt to their new life but you cannot force them. You have to accept life is what it is, which is very hard for many siblings.
12. You think you know what is going through the bereaved’s mind given your close proximity but rarely do know or how information is being processed. Be patient and supportive with menial tasks.

At this time of the year, the family like to return to the North Norfolk coast for a few simple days of family relaxation. Crabbing, beach, picnics, cycling, barbecues, and catching up with friends. It is a simple life, where iPads and other electronics are largely limited to early mornings or pre-dinner.

The local seaside towns, and villages, change modestly each year. The odd new shop appears on a street corner replacing a fading business unable to weather the quiet “off season” or a tired owner. The flow of visitors waiting outside the family butchers and bakers stopping to converse briefly, is as predictable as the high tide and invasion of 4x4s.

The traditional flint-stone homes aligning the coastal road and the inns get smarter every year but the character largely remains the same. The stately homes, inland, are as likely to be exhibiting cutting edge contemporary art, as they are hosting the de rigeur electronic music festivals for the cool kids.

It is comforting, in a world where disruption and public discourse has ever sharper claws. It is England’s answer to Cape Cod, the area south of Charleston in South Carolina or Falsterbo in SW Sweden.

Understated wealth, where a proliferation of agriculture, tourism and light manufacturing pierce the landscape.

The 3.5 hour drive from London and England’s other major cities, and the absence of mass tourism, enables it to retains its’ charm and unfettered royal association. To those who have resisted its’ attraction or are largely unaware, the months of June through early September make for a fun visit. although a bracing February weekend is equally great for the soul.

“The sun shines bright in the old Kentucky home,
Tis summer, the people are gay;”

There are many problems in US thoroughbred racing but starting with the fabled walk from the barn to the gates flicking open, the most engaging theatre in global sports, the Kentucky Derby, has its’ next mint julep-filled edition on Saturday night. A pick? Baffert, Baffert, Baffert.