After a two week period where responding to a family bereavement has been top of my mind and reducing their vulnerabilities in a period of transition, here is some points many families overlook:

1. Immediate family members are rarely armed with the right skills, behaviours and expertise for a successful transition. Accept that and figure out the best response.
2. Asking the right questions involves finding out “what” the desired lifestyle changes are, and “how” you best acquire the right resources, outsource unpalatable activities, pursue exciting interests, maximise income and freedom, and minimise the requisite time, money and energy.
3. Never underestimate the emotional toll a death takes on the critical thinking, speed and quality of decision-making “in the moment” and in the weeks and months thereafter.
4. Stay in the moment. Today is about doing what you must do today, do that well and make an appropriate plan for tomorrow. Focus on getting three highly important transition tasks done early in your morning, thereafter, the day will take care of itself.
5. Finding the right help (a family member, adviser or expert) takes time and energy, you remove stress by building your lists over time i.e. when you don’t imagine you need them
6. Funeral concierge and beneficiary assistance services: should be a “must” in your Corporate or Individual life insurance and protection coverage. They are invaluable. Check with your broker/consultant.
7. Personal health, fitness and nutrition: routine is critical, help them sustain or return to a routine that works for them. A daily walk, a social gathering, eating at preferred times etc. In addition, encourage them to book a physical and mental assessment. No one knows precisely the toll a bereavement has taken on those most affected, take preventative action.
8. Computer literacy: for a generation in their 70s, 80s and 90s is often a major obstacle where service providers insist on digital communication. How would you know where to find, organise, download, securely file, and manage key documents (change of bank accounts, bill paying, death certificates and so on)? The volume of sensitive files sitting on a hard drive is often eye-watering.
9. Financial literacy: how do you best support a spouse, who has never had to think about three pools of available and replenishing capital: cash, credit and investments? Who can you trust to do the right thing?
10. Social needs: how do you best encourage new social interaction, pursuit of existing and new interests and a gratifying life? That is difficult to do without any prior thought or encouragement.
11. Motivation is intrinsic. You can create the conditions as a family member or friend to encourage the bereaved to adapt to their new life but you cannot force them. You have to accept life is what it is, which is very hard for many siblings.
12. You think you know what is going through the bereaved’s mind given your close proximity but rarely do know or how information is being processed. Be patient and supportive with menial tasks.